It’s time for the game we’ve been all waiting for, the United States versus Portugal and the first real test for the stars and stripes. Last time out we saw USA squeak by Ghana and Portugal was steam-rolled by Germany. If the United States win this game then they will advance to the knockout stage and Portugal will be sent home with the other powerhouses likes England and Spain. On paper I think that Portugal should win despite their load of injuries (Pepe, Coentrao and Rui Patricio) because they have the best player in the world, Cristiano Ronaldo. Whenever you have a once in a lifetime talent like Ronaldo then I’ll never count out your team.
My official prediction is 2-1 and it could be more because I think there will be plenty of goals scored.
I kept a running diary of the game and here are my notes:
0′ – Uh oh, USA is wearing their winning whites…Hopefully Portugal is rocking their rally reds
0′ – Doesn’t Raul Meireles of Portugal look like he could be a utility player on the Boston Red Sox?
1′ – In the battle of cooler hair, Portugal has a giant advantage over the balding USA team
1′ – Well ESPN +5 for Ian Darke commentating, -10 for Taylor Twellman
1′ – Portugal already better than Ghana holding USA scoreless the first 30 seconds
3′ – Wow, Ronaldo mad foot skills +100
4′ – His dribbling skills are not natural, his speed is ridiculous. Best in the world
5′ – GOAL NANI, Geoff Cameron with a defensive blunder and Nani blasts it home past Howard
5′ – I got a fever and the only cure is more Nani! (Real name is Luis Carlos Almeida da Cunha)
7′ – Welp it’s a good thing Pepe isn’t eligible to play then USA would be up against 10 men by now
14′ – Someone shut up Taylor Twellman. Call the game unbiased you fucking shit
16′ – Portugal midfield look shaky as shit right now. More Ronaldo please…Thanks
25′ – Excluding the first 10 minutes, USA has dominated the past 15 minutes
27′ – USA getting a lot of easy shots. Portugal defense is really bad. USA should be up right now.
30′ – What the fuck is Nani doing over there? He’s got FIFA14 lead boots. Control the ball please
32′ – DaMarcus Beasley is like that white point guard at Indiana that has been there fore like 7 years
35′ – Looks humid as hell out there. I would 100% change my entire uniform at halftime if I was playing
38′ – Water break? Are they going to bring out orange slices and Caprisun?
39′- When Ronaldo stands next to Kyle Beckerman it’s like a Ferrari next to a Ford
40′ – Ronaldo so good…always makes the right decision, just like LeBron
42′ – Ronal….D’oh
42′ – COME ON!!!! Killing me right now
44′ – Wow Nani nothing but post. Amazing save by Howard on the follow up shot.
45′ – Did Taylor Twellman just throw a jab at Iker Casillas?
45 +1′ – You know it’s bad when USA are jumping on Spain for losing early
45 +1′ – If that’s not a yellow card then I guess slide tackle away fellas
Halftime – Portugal 1, USA 0
HT – Seriously? We’re going for halftime Landon Donovan analysis? Kill me now…
HT – This MLS commercial right now…Wait, when did Julio Cesar join Toronto FC?
HT – I think the Portland Timber should change their name to Sporting Wood FC #RealTalk
46′ – I wonder how many of the Portugal players were born in another country but chose Portugal…
46′ – You know, kinda like how USA has a bunch of Germans. Oh right none…
48′ – Ugh bad miss by Eder. You gotta put that one on goal. Dammit Portugal
51′ – News Flash to Taylor Twellman USA has absolutely no one as good as Mats Hummels on this team. No one…
52′ – Ronaldo at 50% is 50% better than any American at 100%
52′ – USA just had a 5-on-2 fast break and just botched it as if they were the New York Knicks
53′ – Jurgen ditches the long sleeved USA crest shirt for the polo. Someone is superstitious
54′ – Sadly something like that move scares me more than a tactical substitution. Yeah I’m that guy
55′ – What an amazing save by Ricardo Costa to block a wide open Bradley shot on an empty net
55′ – Send Michael Bradley to Egypt with his father
57′ – If Ronaldo doesn’t want to defend as Taylor Twellman suggests can we just call him Melo?
57′ – Based on the way this game has gone you have to believe that USA will get an equalizer
57′ – Just a matter of when and if they can get a second
59′ – Michael Bradley is everywhere on this field. I respect that
60′ – What the hell is Portugal doing on offense?
60′ – They have a ton of space and they don’t push forward and create chances. USA D is weak. C’mon man
62′ – Ronal…D’Oh….Again
64′ – GOAL Jermaine Jones – Holy shit with the ridiculously stupid curler. Amazing
64′ – Well there was the goal that USA deserved. Too many chances to continue to miss
65′ – Portugal need to pull their head out ASAP
65′ – What is Portugal ranked again? Nevermind I don’t even want to know…
65′ – Just a sidenote: Jermaine Jones is German, not American, soooooo there’s that
66′ – Damn I knew I shouldn’t have got that Portugal track-jacket this week. Would’ve been 50% off coming up
68′ – Portugal looks like they’ve never played a game of soccer together before. Team is completely out of sync
69′ – Messi hit a buzzer beater, what is Ronaldo going to do in a tie game. You’re up CR7
72′ – Ronaldo plays the back line and he’s trying to cheat forward, Dempsey does it and he’s a crafty striker…
73′ – Someone please fire Taylor Twellman
73′ – Amazing how Taylor Twellman can talk with Clint Dempsey’s dick all up in his mouth. Incredible talent
76′ – Somewhere Landon is sitting secretly rooting for Portugal. Don’t think that he isn’t no matter what he says
77′ – Right now there are members of posses trying to organize a lunch between LeBron James and Ronaldo
81′ – I seriously hate this country. I really really do
81′ – I will never ever root for USA. EVER
82′ – Question: I wonder how good USA would be if they actually had Americans born in the U.S. on their team?
82′ – Answer: I bet pretty fucking terrible
83′ – Great another week of stupid fucking non-educated USA soccer fans spewing their bullshit
87′ – Not sure what pisses me off more, USA winning or the shit eating grin on Twellman and Lalas’ stupid faces
90′ – Such a fucking shit performance by Portugal. Look like they’ve never played organized soccer before
93′ – Such a fraud USA win. Fucking fraud
95′ – GOAL Varela – YESSSS!!!!! THANK GOD. THANK YOU GOD. Enjoy the sequence of events…
95′ – What an amazing pass by Ronaldo. Amazing. The LeBron of soccer. Give him an inch and he’ll take a mile
95 ‘ – Messi had a buzzer beater goal, Ronaldo a buzzer beater assist
FT – Portugal 2, USA 2
FT – Suck on that arrogant fucking pre-celebratory stupid ass USA fans. It’s never over til it’s over
FT – Best World Cup I’ve ever seen
FT – Wow, such a great cross by Ronaldo with perfect curve and pace. Even better finish by Varela
FT – Wish Portugal would’ve attacked all night long. Could’ve been a different story
FT – All in all USA should be proud, they’ll take the points but this sets up an amazing 3rd leg of the group stage
FT – FIFA 90th minute magic continues. I will never ever get mad at FIFA14 again
FT – Enter all the USA fans with their “morale” victory bullshit…I’ll hear you but I’m not listening
FT – The game might have ended in a tie but that feels like a loss for USA. That’s a heartbreaking performance
FT – USA still have a good chance to advance. Win and they’re in, lose and they still advance with POR/GHA tie
FT – Two teams walk into the Amazon jungle, one team desperately stays alive another predictably choked