TThe biggest sure fire way to piss me off is: waste my time, dictate what I can or cannot do and provide no logic for your actions. Good thing NBA2K15 hit the trifecta on the first day. I’ll tell this story in two ways, the first being an analogy and the second being the actual step by step account of my first impressions. If you aren’t reading the tea leaves, spoiler alert: I’m pretty pissed off.

You walk into a restaurant and you have reservations for 7:30pm, the hostess tells you to have a seat and they’ll be right with you. But you wait and wait and wait. You peer into the restaurant to see it marginally crowded but plenty of open tables with no one else waiting and no other names in the reservation book. You end up waiting a solid hour before you’re allowed to be seated at your table. When you get there they bring you two waters, no menu, no waitress, no bread. You sip at your water, look around and begin to get frustrated. You have no idea what is going on and your frustration is turning to pure unadulterated anger. You’re ready to snap and walk out of the restaurant but then you realize the restaurant is making you finish your water before you can do anything else. So you chug this giant pitcher of water, against your will, wasting more time and destroying your appetite. Finally the last drop is gone and the waitress arrives with the menu, telling you the specials but at that time you stand up and say I’ve had enough and you leave threatening to expose this restaurant for the fraud they are on social media and to everyone you know.

My Video Screen Shot 10:12:14, 9.28 PM 1

That’s an extreme interpretation of NBA2K15 but unfortunately an accurate one based on my experience. The minute I put in the game, and this happens with all Next Gen games and it drives me fucking nuts, you have to wait for the game to load yet you have the physical disc in the tray. I don’t understand this at all? If I have the game in the console why do I need to wait for it to download? Why do I have to wait an hour when the table is ready for me to sit at? I miss the days of N64 where I could put in the cartridge and instantly be gaming. So I let the game finish downloading, I leave for a while to do some work around the house, get some food and shower. I return to find the game fully uploaded and I’m ready for action or so I thought.

The game begins to load, I get to the Kevin Durant menu screen with “Press X to Start” only for it to take me to a San Antonio Spurs vs. Miami Heat (not even last year’s Heat but this year’s bootleg team) game. I thought to myself okay this is probably like Madden 15 where they want you to play and get used to the new features but you’ll be allowed to skip. So I hit pause, go the menus and quit. It takes me back to the Durant menu, I press X and once again I’m back in San Antonio for tip off with No Doubt blaring in the background. (Horrendous selection in music if you ask me) I quit again and then the same thing happens. I turn off my Playstation (the good old company IT solution just “restart your PC” maneuver) but the same thing happens.

At this point I’m livid, I’ve taken to Twitter calling 2K Sports fascists and basically damning this game to the 9th level of Dante’s hell. I realize that the only way to actually play this game is somehow suffer through this ridiculous simulation game with six minute quarters. I figure I’ll tip off but just let the controller sit there and the game will fly by. Wrong. The game is actually slower if you don’t play, 10 second violations, in bounds violations, no skipping through time outs, cut screens, replays, the game was still in the first quarter and nearly 11 minutes had passed in real time. I’m ready to eject the disc and record myself shattering it into a million pieces on Instagram. I can’t believe a company, a game, is forcing a user to play a sim game before actually doing what they want with the game that they purchased and spent their hard earned money for. It’s absolutely infuriating and I hate 2K for it, I will never forget this.

My Video Screen Shot 10:12:14, 9.04 PM

I finally played the game, not paying attention one bit, thankfully my friend called me because he saw my sociopathic tirade on Twitter and tried to talk me off the ledge. I finished the game and alas the actual game appeared, a real menu screen allowing me to do anything I want. But at that point I was over it, I didn’t even want to play anymore. I had no desire to spent another second of my life on that game. I have vowed not to play that game until I return from vacation and at that point I’ll have three days to figure out if I’m keeping it or trading it in for NBA Live 15. Chances are it will be the latter because I’ve always been a Live advocate even when they royally fuck up.

The graphics in NBA2K15 were nice, they always are. The gameplay was okay, it feels better than last year but still the herky-jerky 2K presentation that I’m used to. Passing is still unrealistic and annoying. You still cannot make full length passes (IE: Kevin Love or Lebron outlets) everything is one handed baseball passes which no one really does. Shooting is fine even though it feels like the computer defenders contest everything like they are Tony Allen. Overall I’m sure it’s a good game and maybe for the diehards they can explain why it’s great and whatever good for them. Having played basketball my entire life through college, I’ve always liked basketball games the least because I felt the inaccuracy of real life to a game is much greater than all the other titles. All I know is that this initial abortion has turned me off and two weeks away is just what I need.